Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Brother

My childhood isn't like yours. Stop with the rolling of the eyes, I know everyone childhood is different and hard. Hell being a kid is a hard issue. But mine was one of those that no one really thinks about.

See I was an only child until I was 6, then my mom gave birth to my brother. Of course when you’re young and you’re going to have a new thing in your life it's a big thing, especially when it's someone that is going to be your sibling. I was excited when he was born; I knew he was going to be my heart and soul. The first time he saw me, when my mother brought him home from the hospital, he took my finger, and smiled. My mom said that it was his first smile, and it was for me. You couldn’t tell me ANYTHING for the rest of the day. When he was two we would play together and he would start to say my name every time he would see me. It was an amazing thing to have him say it and smile knowing it was a joy to see me. But when he was three, he started to change. He all his things like potty training, using his fork, all the way to talking just disappeared. Then when my parents started to go to doctors to figure out why, he started to have seizures. Everyday. Sometimes in the store or while we would play. He had seizures all the time for a month until I didn't live in my house anymore but in the hospital. I was nine then, I couldn't explain why I was sad at school, or why I didn't want to be with my friends. Why I didn't care about doing homework or just caring at all, I couldn't tell them that my brother is sick and doctors didn't know why. I couldn't be mad at my brother because it's not his fault. He was my heart and he was hurting, hints why I was hurting. When he turned five, he stops talking. Doctors say because of all the seizures but also because they said he was autism. This was in the 90's where that autism was new. If not new, studied but couldn't figure out how u can become autism. Nothing really, but my parents didn't give up and started to put him in public school. They called for different ways to improve his life. Their marriage grew from it. But it took me a little bit more to grow. When ur a teenager, other kids don't understand why your brother is different, and when kids don't understand and wish not to, they will be assholes. I think during my life of middle school I was in several fights when the kids would make fun of my brother. That it was funny that he couldn't talk and he had to ride the small bus. Called him retarded and said the apple didn't fall from the tree. So I fought for my brother. My parents had to get me from school. And they didn't need this. But I had to fight for my brother's honor.

I know that I shouldn't have did that now, and in high school and in college it got better but I was always reserved about someone coming over my house, that if you do, you had to be understandable about my brother. I lost friends not feeling easy coming to my house. I lost boyfriends because they don't understand that if you want to be with me, you have to respect my brother. I was a protective sister, and always on the defense about my little brother, explain his disorder to people who questioned, but at the mean time, I started to research about autism. Medical journals became my friend; I became open about child phy. and understood my gift of helping out others with the same issues. Maybe that’s why when I finished college; I wanted to work in education, teaching Life Skills classes. When I started I found out that I wasn’t alone with feeling the way I felt. I met people my age that fought people who was misguided about autism, and other disorders and had the drive to help.
I look at my brother now, him going to his 20’s, he taught me more than I can teach him. I taught me every lasting love, which some people couldn’t understand. I love him very much, he is my weakness, and he is my heart.

2 comments:

  1. this is beautiful... filled with so much love. The world needs more people like you to help others who don't know how to cope.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You're a great sister. Your brother would be so proud of you. :-)

    ReplyDelete